God this blog is depressing.

To lighten things up, let me tell you what’s going on in my life lately.  My ulcer has pretty much healed, thanks to an intensive round of Prilosec and Papaya Enzyme.  I was skeptical of the Papaya Enzyme at first, but it resolves heartburn quicker (and better) than my age-old Tums ever did.  (Did you know that taking too much Tums can actually cause an increased production of acid? So basically, a little bit is good, but too much is counterproductive.  Hmm…interesting.)

I was accepted in my Master’s program of choice in Pennsylvania.  Turns out, I wasn’t accepted into any of the doctoral programs to which I applied, despite the implication of such in one letter I received, so my “giving up grad school to move to Pennsylvania” really wasn’t all that after all.  You see, I really don’t like forensic psychology after taking a class and researching it more.  I wouldn’t have been happy in that field because my interest is more in criminology than it is in forensic psychology.  I’m more interested in the social aspect of psychology than the individual…and I wasn’t fully aware of any of it until after I applied to the doctoral programs.

My first choice for my Masters in Pennsylvania is to a criminology program and I applied to two programs within the realm of psychology as a backup, but my gut instinct was against those.  I just don’t have a passion for psychology as I do criminology.  Although it was hard for me to come to that conclusion, I eventually conceded to the truth, and I will be declining the offers for the other two programs.  The Masters program also has another advantage — it’s two years versus five to six years.  I didn’t want to be bogged down in school for that long when I have a desire to start a family (and I’m sure as hell not getting any younger here).  The Master’s programs just seemed like a more viable option.  I made all of these decisions before receiving my final rejection letter (to the school that initially led me to believe I was in line for an interview).  It just seemed to reinforce my choices…and suddenly moving to Pennsylvania no longer seems like a death sentence of sacrifice as much as it does a new beginning.

Weeks before I received that final letter, I was finally excited to move, rather than apprehensive and guarded.  I felt content and secure…and while I didn’t have all of the answers I needed, I knew the bold step I was taking was the right one.  With being accepted into my ideal program of choice and having several job opportunities available, I feel like I’m walking forward.  I know I’ll be there, helping my friends, but also building myself.  The last few years have been about finding myself, and now that I have, I’m ready to grow as a person.  I know that this is what this venture is all about.

I’m in a strange place, emotionally, right now.  I’m dreading leaving a few of my close friends here, but I am absolutely psyched to be moving forward.  With each item that sells on Craigslist, with each exam or school project I finish, with each night I lay my head to rest…I am that much closer.  This move feels like freedom and opportunity.  It’s no longer overwhelming, no longer stressful.  It just is.  I’m no longer scared of leaving familiarity because I am at peace with myself.  I know that I will succeed in each of my endeavors if I just trust myself.  It’s easy to “trust yourself” in familiar surroundings, but then, it’s not so much trust in oneself as it is a comfort zone.  I’m stepping out of my comfort zone in a way I have never done before and I know that I will be okay.

I really proud of myself right now.  It took me awhile to come around and possess the right attitude, but I’m glad that I finally did. Life is just so much more peaceful and fluid now. Charles Swindoll was right:

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company … a church … a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude … I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitudes.