Have you ever that one of THOSE friends whom you keep close just because of your deeply shared history? One with whom you no longer have anything in common with, but you still talk, catch up, and stay current because your once-closeness dictates that? I have such a “friend.” Why the quotation marks? Because I learned, recently, just how one-sided our friendship was, on all levels. Actually, let me rephrase that. I’ve always known, but I’ve always loved her like a sister, so I was able to dismiss it. Here’s some background.

“Gabby” and I met through her cousin several years ago. He was illustrating the cover of my book (which I later pulled the publishing contract on) and we had been close friends through my now ex for several years. I was living in Florida, he was living in Georgia. For the sake of ease, I spent a weekend up in Georgia while we went through the manuscript and we discussed the cover of the book. He was talking to his cousin, Gabby, about perfecting her resume and getting a better job. I offered to help her with it, should she need it. He put Gabby and me on the phone and next thing I know, I’m talking to this girl as if I’d known her forever.

Very long story short, she wanted to move to Florida and I wanted to get a roommate to help me stash money so I could leave my ex. Having been close to her cousin and his wife for many years, I trusted her and within months, she moved in with me. Initially, things were good; however, over time Gabby’s behavior was called into question. This chick was older than me, but still throwing temper tantrums (literally), banging her hands and feet on the bed, screaming. She slammed doors, stomped her feet when she was mad, and put herself into dangerous situations without thinking (i.e. walking off in traffic while angry). Also, she had a massive collection of stuffed animals and still wore her hair in pigtails and carried purses with cartoons on them. I think you get the picture.

As time continued, other behaviors emerged. She didn’t pay her bills on time. One time, she “forgot” to pay rent because she bought a plane ticket home, instead. She refused to clean her dishes, help with household chores, and left food containers sitting on the coffee table without cleaning up after herself. This nearly 30 year old woman was on the psychological level of a 16 year-old. Instead of providing a way for me to stash money away so I could leave my ex, it caused more issue and more money in the end. There were many, many times I regretted having her come down, but it was nice to have someone to talk to, watch movies with, and soak in the Florida sun with.

Eventually, I had her evaluated and she was placed on medication. We noticed an immediate change and our friendship blossomed. We grew exceptionally close for a couple of years, talked about how if she ever got married or if I got re-married (which I doubted), we’d be the Maid of Honor for one another. We shared our deepest, darkest secrets. I even helped her wax her pubes and introduced her to the wonderful world of “adult toys” since she proved unsafe with her sexual partners. (OH MY GOD the stories I could tell about her random and totally inappropriate hook-ups!) We were, in every sense, like sisters. But…now?

She is recently engaged to our other former roommate, the man who pried the gun from my ex-husband’s hand, saving my life, years ago. The same man who also had a delusional belief that we were in a romantic relationship where he lost his virginity to me and I “had a lapse in memory,” thus remembering none of it. I have never suffered amnesia or entered into a relationship with someone where I have no recall of any event surrounding it. I have never had sex with him. I have always called bullshit on his highly fabricated and ridiculous claims. Gabby was skeptical at first, but after moving out of our old place and in with him, their relationship became sexual. She then believed him, completely, thus separating herself from me for several months.

We’ve kept our communication limited, but nice, and have gone to dinner a few times…mostly out of obligation, I think. Despite her naivety and ability to be talked into almost any line of thinking and/or behavior, I’ve never forgotten the fact she once moved here from out of state to help me leave my ex. She’s been more of a pain in the ass over the years than anything, but I grew to love her and appreciate her for her quirkiness and laughable cluelessness. After being genuinely happy that she found someone who would actually marry her, she told me about all of her wedding plans and her wedding party, all of which excluded me.

What the fuck. Seriously? I’m not one for keeping score, but after all the shit this girl has dished upon me over the years and forced me to wade through, I’m being excluded from her wedding when I was supposed to be the Matron of Honor. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t care about not being in the wedding. I’m not opposed to the wedding because the guy she’s with treats her well and is on her level, despite the weirdness of his claims from several years ago. She’s very co-dependent, as is he, so they are content with one another. What hurts me is that she never considered me. She didn’t want me there because I wasn’t part of HIS inner circle. I was no longer a part of her life. I was an outsider. Over the years I have redefined myself, grown as a person, and made new, wholesome, logical and rational friends with whom I’m close. She hasn’t changed. She’s in the same place, psychologically, as she was years ago, and I’ve respected that and continued to love her, despite our many differences.

“It has nothing to do with our friendship,” she said. Yes, yes it does. When you came here and made my life a nervous wreck until you were medicated, THAT had nothing to do with our friendship. But taking his side? Allowing me to be kicked out of our house and leaving me stranded by our roommates because they wanted my room? Excluding me from your life because your fiance has “issues” with me? Excluding me from your wedding? That has EVERYTHING to do with our friendship.